might be interesting to share, and she agreed to me posting this here, so here you go.
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Feb. 18
Hi Alexis,
Thanks for getting back to me! I'm excited to read the blogs--I find it helpful to hear about volunteers' experiences.
I was invited to go on a program in Sub-Saharan Africa this upcoming June, but am only finishing up my health forms now, so it looks like my slot will be filled by the time I'm done with the application process. I am not sure when my next program will start, but I do hope to go to Africa. I will most likely be working in community development/education.
In my months of considering the program, I have created many personal fears and doubts. I feel inexperienced since I have yet to specialize in a specific skill (my major was International Relations). Hence why I considered going back to school first to get an advanced degree. Furthermore, I struggle with the fact that I don't want to go on just a two-year self journey, but rather make a difference and create change. I guess I have felt those feelings from my past volunteer experiences (I did the Bucknell Brigade in Nicaragua and spent last summer filming a documentary in Nicaragua), where there were times I felt inadequate and not helpful at all. Do you feel this way at all? Were you hesitant to join?
Thank you for sharing your experience with me, I appreciate it. What are your biggest challenges? Do you feel like you have changed a lot?
B.
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Feb. 26
Hi B,
It sounds like you already have more experience than I did coming into
my Peace Corps service, with the Bucknell Brigade and visiting a
developing country. I had several friends while I was at Bucknell who
helped with the Brigade, though at that time I was not yet seriously
considering Peace Corps. Before I got here I had only been to Europe,
and not even close to any developing countries. My major at Bucknell
was a double, environmental studies and French, but like yours, I
didn’t feel (and still don’t) that that qualified me to do anything
specific at all. I didn’t want to teach French, and only had vague
ideas about working in the vast “environmental” field.
I graduated from Bucknell in 2004 and worked various jobs for a few
years, until the spring of 2007 when I decided to apply to Peace
Corps. I am glad that I had a few years out of college before I came,
but from my experience here, I can tell you that Peace Corps teaches
you just about everything you need to know to do your job. So don’t
worry too much about having specific skills before you come.
One of the things that pushed me to try and join Peace Corps was the
desire to do something useful and helpful to people, to really make a
difference. I think I was most hesitant about whether or not I would
make a good volunteer, whether I could “cut it”, whether or not I was
strong enough to live two years away from my family and friends and
rough it. I think if you didn’t have fears and doubts you wouldn’t be
normal! I didn’t dwell too much on my past experiences and knowledge
while I was in the application process, but when I got here I found a
range of people as my fellow trainees, some less and some more
experienced than me.
Honestly, there are many times here when I have felt inadequate and
not helpful at all. But I don’t think having an advanced degree would
have helped that. There are basic things you have to overcome, that
simply take time, patience, and determination. It is hard being an
outsider trying to make change, and it takes a lot of work to get to a
point where you are accepted and respected by your community, enough
that they will listen to what you have to say. It is a constant
struggle to feel like you are doing something helpful, and one of my
biggest challenges is changing my perception of what is “help”, seeing
that sometimes just being present is what matters. I work every day to
create structure for myself, since there is so much freedom in this
job, it is difficult to find focus. And every day I still meet people
who don’t know why I’m here or what my job is, and they simply dismiss
me, judging me based solely on the color of my skin. But perhaps the
biggest challenge is in fact feeling like what I am doing has some
kind of impact, and that all the months that I have been here are not
for nothing.
As for changes, there is no question that I am not the same person I
was a year ago when I was getting ready to leave for Senegal. The way
I look at the world now is forever different. It’s hard to say exactly
how, but I know that I like who I am now more than who I was when I
got here, and it’s true that ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you
stronger’. Often I meet new Senegalese people and they ask about what
I’m doing here, and one of the first things they assume is that I am a
student. “Are you learning?” they ask. And although that is not
technically what I am doing here, I usually answer “yes.” Because
every day I’m here I learn something new; about Senegal, about the
Senegalese, and about myself.
At this point, I do not hesitate to say that joining Peace Corps is
one of, if not the, best decision I have ever made. Yes, there were
times (and are still times) when I think, wow, what the hell am I
doing here? and all I can think about is going home. I’m not going to
lie about that. I don’t know a single volunteer who hasn’t at one
point seriously thought about going home. But the wonders, the joys,
the things you get a chance to be a part of here, the opportunities
you have to touch people’s lives, and to have your life changed by
others, I think it makes it all worth it. I feel like I have done more
‘living’ in the last year than in the three before it. I still have a
year left in my service, and there is a lot I hope to get done. It
takes time to get integrated into your community, to learn the
language, to find out where you belong and what you can do. So if I
can give you any advice, it’s that you need to be patient. And
forgiving. Not just of others, but especially of yourself.
I wish you the best of luck, and if you have other questions, feel
free to shoot me a note.
Take care,
Alexis
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